Inside, Outside, Upside down

21 10 2005

For the past few months I’ve been having difficulty with very simple and common tasks, such as my job, speaking and walking. I’ve started to stutter, mumble, and loose my train of thought and so on. Aside from actually doing this, my real concern is why? I think it might just be the accumulation of stress starting to way heavy on me, at lease I hope it’s that simple. I’ve spent a lot of time lately looking to myself and trying to find ways to improve my situation. In doing so I’ve discovered a few things about me that I’m not entirely proud of. One is that I’m very bitter. I constantly see the world around me from a negative viewpoint. My wife recently even told me that I’m the most negative person she knows, and she’s right. I automatically assume the worst and I’ve started to become angry at the smallest of things. I’m now worried that my health issues are a result and not a cause of this. I’m not sure what to do to realign my mental state so that I can become the relaxed care free person I believed I once was. I don’t mean to worry anyone. I’m not planning to hurt myself or anything. I’m just noting my concern at the present state of me.




One response

24 10 2005
Baron Samedi

I would say its time for a little “Uncle Colton’s Fun Time Intervention”. It’s a great new game that teaches you (the contestant) that life is full of ups and downs, it teaches us that its how you embrace these moments that dictate your mental and physical being. It’s a whole lot of fun and helps you feel great! Lets begin shall we?

You are going to die.
You are going to die and nothing can stop it. In the end while your shitting in your man diaper some of the things you will most probably come to realize is that life wasn’t that bad, you over complicated things, and that the most important thing you ever did was have your children and raise then.
See? Its fun!!
Now that we have seen one possible future lets take a look at the present. Its time to ask yourself “Why am I stressing? “, this question is not as easy as it originally seems. Your initial response is most probably going to point the finger at an exterior source, when in fact it is the very opposite. Here is one example:
You are walking down the streets of Germany with your wife and a large German across the street points his finger at you and yells” HEY AMERICAN, BUMSEN SIE IHRE MUTTER”. You smile point back at the man and give him the John Wayne Wink and click. I guess they sure do like Americans in Germany, Right?
Okay now lets take this same situation, except now you are in Chicago. So again you are walking with your wife (remember we are in Chicago) and a man across the street points at you and says the same thing in English “HEY, FUCK YOUR MOTHER”…Something tells me you aren’t going to point back and the man and wink as you had before.
What was the Difference? You perception of the events, that’s right. You actually dictate your personal response to stress…this of course excludes severe torture by an escaped mental patient; you’re pretty much screwed there.
Now I realize that this is an extreme example and that your day-to-day grind isn’t as simple as single moment with an offense asshole, but the example still holds true. You have created this state of mind, and only you can change that state. The problem here is that we humans dictate our existents by our struggles; if we had nothing to overcome then life it would be pretty lame, right? SO, instead of focusing on an external world (of which you have little control) perhaps you should focus on you “Internal world”. Take steps to adjust or manipulate your own interpretation of the world around you and I promise you and inner peace you never thought possible. Don’t get me wrong… chances are you wont be the next Dalai Lama, but you can alter the way you view your world.
Here are two things that I believe will help you in your quest:
1 Exercise.
Even if its just walking a mile a day. Its something that is only for you, plus it will give you the opportunity to do something for your own physical development. (In other words “A Positive Struggle”

2 Meditate.
I know it mind sound cheesy, but if you give your self 15 minutes of quality meditation everyday it can have great benefits in your day to day life. Now meditation is not sitting with your legs crossed humming to your self, so if this is something you are interested in I would be more than happy to teach you the correct way to begin.

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